This story was originally published in the Forward. [Click here](#) to get the Forward’s free email newsletters delivered to your inbox.
On Sunday, thousands of Haredi Jews will gather on Mount Meron to celebrate a special tradition. They will sing, dance, and give 3-year-old boys their first haircuts, first cutting individual locks and later shaving everything but their sidelocks. Many others will perform this ritual closer to home, with more echoes at the start of the school year.
This haircut, known as an upsherin in Yiddish, may seem foreign to progressive Jews, who typically have different hairstyle practices. However, it holds deep and powerful significance. My wife and I have performed an upsherin for each of our children—both boys and girls—and it has been one of the best early childhood ritual decisions we’ve made.
The short ceremony is largely improvised and varies each time, but two elements remain constant. First, we drip honey on some Hebrew letters (a laminated placemat works nicely) for the child to lick. Second, and much more dramatically, we cut their hair for the first time.
The honey ritual is lovely, but the emotional impact of the first haircut is profound. In just a few minutes, the child’s long, unruly locks give way to a more intentional and sculpted look. For the adults, it’s hard not to be struck by the child’s transformation. While it’s not as dramatic as a circumcision, it’s surprisingly close.
The upsherin is a childhood ritual that Judaism practices but doesn’t uniquely own. Ritualized first haircuts exist in Hinduism, Native American religions, and were once part of Polish culture. Many cultures transform boys’ appearances at the beginning of boyhood. In Western societies, including America, boys remained “unbreeched” in their early years, wearing trousers only when approaching school age, a practice that lasted until the early 20th century.
Because the idea of a first haircut is widespread, it’s hard to pinpoint its exact origin. As Jewish rituals go, it’s relatively new. First mentioned by 16th-century kabbalists, it is likely borrowed from a similar Muslim practice, with Eastern European Jews adopting the custom in the last few hundred years.
In one of the few studies on this ritual, anthropologist Yoram Bilu argued that the upsherin should be seen as a “secondary circumcision,” where the father cuts his son’s hair just as he (or a mohel) previously cut his foreskin. This connection is supported by the biblical injunction against eating a tree’s fruit in its first three years, describing this fruit as “uncircumcised.” It is also notable that Abraham is said to have discovered monotheism at this age.
Upsherin: A Celebration of Transition and Growth
The connections and the predominantly male atmosphere of most Haredi upsherin celebrations can make this ritual seem inherently masculine. Indeed, Amy Milligan recently noted that the upsherin ritual serves to introduce boys to the social meaning of their gender.
While this observation may hold true in Orthodox settings, it can be reversed in more egalitarian contexts. What’s remarkable about the upsherin is how easily its gendered elements can be discarded. The notion that a father only assumes parental duties when a child turns three is not essential, nor is the idea that only boys should celebrate the start of their educational journey. The universal aspect of upsherin is the transition from infancy to childhood. This celebration can occur without losing any essential meaning. The shift from diapers and cribs to language and full mobility, typically happening around age three, is always significant. Whether this celebration is gendered is a choice.
Ironically, most children will not remember their upsherin. This is fine because the ritual is more for the parents. During the first three years of a child’s life, parents primarily focus on keeping their child alive and healthy. After age three, attention shifts to the type of life the parents wish to prepare for their child. Educational goals start to form, and with them, the possibility of raising a child to learn and love the Torah. While a bar mitzvah celebrates the culmination of a phase of Torah study, the upsherin marks the commencement of this journey. After an upsherin, parents may begin teaching their child to wear a yarmulke, tzitzit, and say basic prayers, thus becoming acutely aware of their role in this journey.
The haircut itself symbolizes this transition. It transforms the raw substance of a newborn into the new, molded shape of a small person. The dramatic change in appearance during an upsherin highlights the parents’ power to shape their child and assures them that their child will continue to change long after they leave home.
In marking the transition out of infancy, the upsherin signifies loss as much as growth. It is a farewell to one phase of parenting and a realization that a child will not always remain the same, nor will parents always be their center of gravity. Everything evolves. The upsherin offers a glimpse of the empty nest and a taste of feelings that seem distant. It’s a reminder of what we can never fully understand.